Heart

Light without Colours

“I can see the light, but I failed to see the colours”

Dear friend,

No one I am to make me rightful enough and ask you to be better.

But do listen

I failed myself enough bad until never did I fail

To look in front and found out everyone is better than me.

Late at night

I never forget to forgive my life partners

My family

My teachers

My friends

And last but not least

Myself.

Yes, myself.

No matter

How much in my life I blamed others

But I still know deep within my own heart

It must have been my fault

Somewhere in each of those undeniably much blames.

The least I can do

Is to forgive myself

For it is sometime IMPOSSIBLE

To ask for forgiveness from those life partners who've shared their life moments

Even just a little bit of glance in your way

Can hurt them, deeply

Without you even know

Without you even realize.

Friend oh friend

Never it is easy to look in the mirror’s reflection

And admit that you are ugly

Even thought it is true.

Judging yourself is never been easy

As you point your finger to others.

That is who I was and still am

But that actually is the measurement of your own

Strength and will.

Very hard I try to write these pieces of advice

For me myself is still nowhere in these all steps

But just as a newborn baby

I will try to make my own steps

With my life partners around me

Embracing my little space of memories

No matter how good nor bad

I will always love them for what they've done

To make me who I am right now

Never to say I am good or something

But infinity thanks I have no power to show

For the uncountable dramatic troubles I've caused them

In every breath I succeed to make in my life

Around their existence that met mine.

Thy thee

Dear my sweetest colours of my life

Do what I’m doing

And you’ll feel better

Knowing you can step on this stage where the whole world can read your words

Even though it is just yourself

A performer always has one loyal audience, 

Which is the performer itself.

So, never worry and always be happy

That you always have your loyal audience

that laugh when you make jokes

that memorize the song you're singing

that be with you when you're alone

that live just when you exist

that accompany you when you died.

Just be happy and proud

You can help a person

To be better.

Never you should forget

Yourself.

Believe in you

And others will too.

Doesn't matter if that takes a thousand while

It is worth it

It always will.

Adios.

The Untitled Me

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Yes, I DID CRY.

I once cry.

I believe, you too once cry.

I also believe, it is not wrong crying.

I cried when I was born. Who don’t, right?

I cried when I failed to get what I want. The problem is I always WANT.

I cried when I upset people. Which is all the time.

I cried when I am not anymore being paid attention to.

I cried when I am jealous. Especially to my perfect angel-like sister.

I cried when I failed my parents. I always do. And I am deeply sorry for that.

I cried when I made wrongs. Which is also all the time.

I cried when I know there is somebody crying BECAUSE of me. Which I know a lot.

I cried too much didn't I?

Yes. Too much.

Too much.

My dearest,

I often be sad, cry get mad.

But, believe me when I say, I love my life so much.

I will never trade it with someone else’s.

I love my Creator.

I love my family.

I love my friends.

I love my teachers.

I love my sweetheart.

I love my pets.

I even love my sadness.

Why?

Well, maybe I am crazy for loving sadness.

But sadness is the moment

I wake up from my dreams

I stand up in reality

I dance with pain

I clearly see myself, frowning, on the sadness

That I know, always know,

Me myself

Who place it there, on my sinful heart.

My dearest,

Judge me you please,

So I can know,

How much more sinful I can be.

Masquerading I don’t care

When people judge,

When people hate,

When people avoid,

Is very damn hard, it’s breaking my faith, my heart, my strength

Down, deep down…

But it is easier than showing it. It is much more easier.

Because I always know,

It was my fault, it is, and it always will be.

My dearest,

A drop of advice can I give

Love yourself

Don’t ever

Be like me.

Pathetic. Useless.

For when you love

Yourself

You will love every others.

As I feel tired crying, so I think I’ll stop here.

Remember, I love you. Always will.

Adios.

May we meet again,

Insya-Allah.

The Untitled Me